The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Barsexuality is the new black.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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