whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
