Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
