So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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