my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
