By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
