Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
