My friends, they love my intelligence
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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