I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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