My room smells like vodka and shame
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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