Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
