I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So vagazzling was a success
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
