drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
