4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
