she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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