Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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