2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize