Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I wish you could order shots online.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
