we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
