My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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