My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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