I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
