He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
