Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Found your dick twin last night
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
