Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
