you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
