My hand turned me down
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
