...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
