i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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