he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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