she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
