beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
