either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
