Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
