dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
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