There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
50% drunk capacity currently
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
