actually, I'm a sock model
Best friends brother. Beat that.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
