look no pants
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
