Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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