note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
