if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
