i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
