Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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