ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
pray to the hookup gods
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
