Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
