Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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