My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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