Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
