Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
