I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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