the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
