i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Everyone says I win the strip club
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
