I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
