Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize