she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
