i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
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