real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize