so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
