so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
