i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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