You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
