After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
