and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
