Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm getting married
To pizza
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
