i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
