Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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