I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
