Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So much rum. So many feels.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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