what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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