I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
