I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
