I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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