are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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