And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
